“How brave the moon shines in her skin; outnumbered by the stars.” ~ Angie Welland-Crosby
I have this reoccurring dream where I am about to teach a yoga class. I stand to teach, and nobody is paying any attention to me. They are all distracted or in deep discussion with one another and have no interest in participating in the class.
As I start, one by one the students get up and leave. I am mortified and dissuaded, though I continue to teach anyway.
I get up from the dream with a sinking sensation in my stomach and heaviness in my heart. Rather than indulge and spiral into sadness, I turn straight towards the hurting.
” Where is this originating from?” This is the concern I ask myself as I dive into self-healing. Just as the body has the ability to heal itself on a cellular level when hurt, we too have the capability to heal our psychological injuries.
I have actually never been fired, from a job or relationship. I have actually constantly been the one to leave. This is not something I take pride in, rather I see a pattern that has actually established over the course of my life because childhood.
It needs to be since I am not good enough, as a worker, instructor, buddy, partner. My impulse in these scenarios is to run, to leave before anybody finds my defects, before I feel more harmed.
I fear being deserted or declined, so at the first sign of dispute I retreat, like a turtle that goes into its shell the moment it senses risk.
When I look back at my past I am left with overwhelming grief. As I peel back the layers even more, I see more clearly the origins.
Beneath the protective armor is a very sensitive and hurt little girl.
A woman whose older sibling locked her out of her room and declined to play.
A woman who was teased by community kids for being weird.
A girl whose friend began an “I dislike Shannon club” in fourth grade.
A girl who always saw her buddies as smarter, prettier, cooler, and more likeable.
A woman who was desperate to be accepted.
These deeply rooted wounds require appropriate acknowledgement in order to be healed.
When we feel susceptible or hurt, we tend to close off our hearts, chatter, turn to anger, or run away rather than address the pain. In order to break these old, conditioned patterns, first we must identify where the sensations are coming from.
When We Feel Rejected
Lets face it, individuals can be suggest. We ourselves can be mean.
It can be painful and scarring to be left out, rejected, or on the getting end of anothers extreme remarks or habits. Often, others injure us because they themselves are harming.
We ultimately discover feelings of worry and abandonment when we look beneath the surface area of rejection. We can pick to alter how we think about rejection, and subsequently, what we feel.
While we cant manage what other individuals believe, say, or do, we can manage how we perceive and get. We get to select whether we allow anothers comments to define who we are or how we feel about ourselves.
There are some situations where leaving is the right thing to do. However not out of worry, spite, or in defense, but rather from a location of surrender and acceptance.
We can reroute our energy to people and situations that are positive and enriching. Mutually loving relationships and situations where we deal with one another with generosity, encouragement, and assistance. Where, rather than tear one another (or ourselves) down, we lift each other into the greatest variation of ourselves.
There are countless scenarios that can activate feelings of unworthiness, but I d like to focus on 2 particular ones that have actually been especially challenging for me.
When a Relationship Ends
Whether we picked to leave or not, there is frequently a deep sense of loss when a relationship ends. These feelings of loss can reappear at any time after we believe we have moved on, especially when we witness someone else taking our location. A place that once made us feel special, valued, loved.
I experienced this as I viewed my exs brand-new girlfriend relocation into a home that was once mine. The feeling of being exchangeable. Even if eventually, a relationship isnt helpful for us and is no longer what we desire for our future, enjoying someone move on can raise grief and insecurity.
Rather than indulge in these sensations, we can select to be delighted for the other. Happy they have discovered love and convenience in somebody else. Happy at their own capability to heal and move forward with their life.
Not constantly easy when we have not found love or convenience in another, we have not recovered, and we arent moving on with our own life. What makes it even harder is that we frequently decline ourselves when we feel turned down by someone we enjoyed. The antidote? Focus on discovering love and convenience in ourselves to reinforce that we are still worthy of love, and we do not should have to feel or be turned down– by anybody, including ourselves.
When We Compare Ourselves to Others
Jealousy is a devastating emotion and can be triggered by an off-hand remark, a sideways look, or a social media post.
We are happy and content one minute, the next our ex updates their Facebook status to “in a relationship,” or we see a post from someone who appears to be doing much better in life, and we are sent into a downward spiral that includes stalking profiles, comparing ourselves to another, anger, questioning our decisions, sensations of regret … the list goes on.
In order to overcome the green-eyed beast, we should stop comparing ourselves to others and see our own unique gifts.
Frequently it is the desire to be someone special that drives unhealthy habits and thought patterns. You can stop trying to be good enough and permit yourself to just be.
When I just recently experienced conflict in a social relationship, I was talking with my mother and I stated to her in defeat, “I just attempt so hard to be an excellent person.”
She said to me, “Well then stop trying. You currently are a great person. You do not need to try, its who you are.”
The reality is, nobody has actually come before you or will come after you with your exact qualities. You do not require to show yourself to anybody else or to yourself. The fact that you even exist is a miracle. What a gift. Permit who you are to shine, and allow others to shine, without insecurities, jealousy, or fear. Our true presents are revealed when we recognize we are each perfect just as we are.
Its Time to Write a New Story
Those old stories from childhood, the hateful words on the playground or rejection from others, they dont fit any more. They never ever did. We sadly enabled them to suggest something about us and replayed the very same story over and over once again. As grownups we have the ability and awareness to see and break these old patterns.
Simply acknowledging our old stories is an excellent primary step. The next step is to create new stories that much better line up with who we wish to be and how we wish to feel. And the last step is supporting those new stories with our interpretations and understandings.
Instead of analyzing a separation or layoff as evidence of our unworthiness, we can tell ourselves theres something much better out there for us– and we deserve it. Rather of anticipating people to decline us, we can focus on all the reasons were worth accepting, and acknowledge that if they do not, its their loss.
We can also assist ourselves engrain these new stories by surrounding ourselves with individuals who support, value, and encourage us.
As I advance my own path to recovery, I am so grateful for a remarkably encouraging partner and network of family and friends (including my sibling, who has actually become my buddy throughout the years), along with an extraordinary young puppy who teaches me the meaning of unconditional love daily (I highly advise a dog for healing psychological wounds). Even when I pull back or fall into old patterns, I continue to be surrounded by individuals who accept me, challenge me, raise me, and inspire me to be the very best version of myself.
My new dream goes like this: I show up to class to teach yoga and students get here willing and all set to practice. In this brand-new dream, I offer everything I have and allow my gifts to shine.
The kind of story where we get to live our best life. We can reword our story if it no longer fits as we continue to develop and grow on our path.
She believes yoga brings us back to our most authentic self, and the best way we can be a light for others is to cultivate self-love and approval. From genuine love the magic of our lives can unfold in the most lovely methods.
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We sadly permitted them to imply something about us and replayed the very same story over and over again. Just recognizing our old stories is a terrific first step. The next action is to create new stories that better line up with who we want to be and how we want to feel. And the last action is supporting those new stories with our perceptions and interpretations.
The kind of story where we get to live our finest life.