“One in six guys will be sexually assaulted at some point in their life. Rather, we, as men, ought to motivate other guys to speak up, to be courageous, share this concern with others, and to attend treatment and take medication. There is such a thing as healthy masculinity, and we can find that in our fellow men, in reassuring those who are having a rough time.
Why is it that guys are less likely to be supported than female survivors of sexual attack? No matter a persons gender or sexual orientation, all survivors are worthy of love and assistance.
In 2013, I became an activist for survivors of sexual attack. I was residing in New York City, and my approach for getting the message out was through chalk art. To reclaim my voice after the NYPD threw away my sexual assault case, I went all over Brooklyn and Manhattan scribbling chalk art messages about consent.
Since then, I have done thousands of chalk art illustrations all over the world, from Europe to South Africa. Using art as a tool of activism has actually been an incredibly powerful method of reaching millions with a crucial message: Its time to change the existing rape culture that we live in with a culture of permission.
Its a typical notion that its impossible for a male to be raped. Male survivors who speak out are frequently consulted with the reaction, “How can a kid get raped?” The answer is, if he does not provide his consent, its rape.
It does not matter if the rapist was male, female, or any other gender identity. If he rejects approval, its rape. Anyone of any gender can be raped.
Picture how difficult it is for a lady to speak out and report a rape. That difficulty is doubled for men because the patriarchal idea that “men can not be raped” ruins any hope for male survivors to get the support they are worthy of. This principle totally dismisses the real-life experiences of millions of guys who actually have been sexually attacked.
For worry of not being believed, its reasonable to assume that countless guys hide in silence. Really couple of heal or recuperate due to the stigma of male rape.
Guys stories matter. Males healing is simply as crucial as recovery for others. When males heal, the entire world heals, because the world is still run by men.
Suicide rates are often higher in males due to the fact that numerous of them fail to reveal their feelings due to the patriarchal principle that weeping is a sign of weak point, especially in guys.
When a guy is seen weeping, he is often told to “man up.” Due to fear of being called weak, males hold in all their tears instead of releasing them.
Shaming men and boys out of crying is psychological abuse for those who really wish to express themselves. Guy who have been raped need to be uplifted in their recovery, nevertheless they see fit. It is their right to do so if their recovery consists of shedding a tear for all the discomfort they withstood.
Here are thirty-nine uplifting messages for male rape survivors.
1. Your pain is legitimate.
2. The person who did this to you is the only person to blame, not yourself.
3. You are not less of a guy for being sexually assaulted.
4. Being a survivor does not specify who you are as a man.
5. A survivor is anything but weak.
6. Dont be afraid to talk about it.
7. Never blame yourself.
8. Things will get better.
9. You are so incredibly strong.
10. Im proud of you!
11. You are not alone.
12. What you are going through is temporary.
13. You are enjoyed.
14. Youll see the light one day and more than happy again, I guarantee!
15. You have lots of individuals who think and support you.
16. You are worthwhile of love and regard.
17. You do not need to feel embarrassed.
18. Speaking about it to somebody you rely on will assist.
19. You are heard.
20. You are legitimate.
21. You dont need to be strong all the time.
22. Its fine to cry.
23. Youre safe to express your feelings.
24. Some days might be much better than others, however you will arrive.
25. You will grow and endure this current discomfort.
26. We support you.
27. Even if you had an erection, you still werent “asking for it.”.
28. Even if you had an orgasm, if you didnt want it, it was rape.
29. We applaud you and your guts.
30. Feel the discomfort rather of numbing it.
31. You got ta feel it to heal it.
32. Youre still manly and I love you.
33. Tears are an indication of strength.
34. The sickness of another is not your problem to bear.
35. Being a victim is difficult, however in time you will heal.
36. There are people out there that love you and want to listen to you (including me).
37. Keep surviving. There is so much to live for.
38. You are brave for admitting what took place.
39. We are in this together.
The concept that men can not get raped is perpetuated by the false belief that all men desire is sex, every hour of the day. While I was doing #StopRapeEducate chalk art in New York City in Union Square one day, a young, Afro-Latino couple stopped to check out the message I was composing: “Rape knows no gender.”.
The lady looked puzzled and asked me what it implied. I told her that it indicates anybody can get raped, whether they are a female or a male.
She rupture into laughter and stated, “A person … hahaha … get raped ?! Ha! How is that even possible? Shit, Im sure they would love that. Thats every mans dream.”.
I provided her the straight-face-emoji-look and said, “Actually, thats not true. Men who get raped are shocked simply as much as female victims. Ive met loads of people who have actually been raped. Its a major problem.” She aligned up rapidly.
Guys have freewill to choose if they wish to have sex or not. If you are somebody who dates guys, its essential to accept that the guys in your life might not constantly be in the mood to do it, whichs fine.
Before I comprehended this, in my more youthful years, I recall pushing myself to be easily offered for sex with people. I would even go as far as to catch them, thinking that thats what they desired. I had actually seen it a million times in films as a way of ladies starting sex: no questions asked, simply attack.
When that he was tired of my sexual advances, one of my buddies that I used to hook up with informed me. I felt disgusted and so embarrassed with myself because I was captured up in stereotypes about male sexuality that I provided myself to someone that didnt have interest in me.
This is why sexual education is so crucial. Its inappropriate for us to find out about sex from motion pictures, television, and pornography.
The reality is, guys and boys are not sex makers. No one is. Its constantly fine to state no to sex, and its never ever appropriate to assume that somebody desires to do it.
To develop a safer, more caring world for all of us, let us regard and assistance male survivors of sexual attack instead of enhancing toxic masculinity rooted in rape culture.
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Rather, we, as guys, ought to encourage other males to speak up, to be courageous, share this problem with others, and to go to therapy and take medication. That problem is doubled for guys due to the fact that the patriarchal concept that “guys can not be raped” ruins any hope for male survivors to get the support they deserve. When men heal, the entire world heals, since the world is still run by guys.
Male who have actually been raped need to be boosted in their recovery, however they see fit. Male who get raped are shocked simply as much as female victims.