About Denise McKenDenise is the creator of Mission: Sugar-Free, a workbook that assists women prepare to quit sugar and remain effectively sugar-free TheSugarFreeLife.club.
“Make the most of yourself … for that is all there is of you.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Every day, it was basically the very same. I presented a modified variation of myself to the world. I felt a deep level of discomfort with the idea of letting myself go. Could I? Should I? The answer was “no” every time, even if it wasnt always a mindful decision.
It felt wrong to be myself in a society where were conditioned to think that we have to look and be a particular way to fit in. I thought that no one would accept me as I was. That it would result in my personality being buffooned or slammed.
How can anyone understand somebody whos both quiet and bubbly? On the other hand, a quiet individual is likely to be simply that– quiet, all the time.
And if youre both, then theres something about you that isnt quite ideal because you cant be put into one box.
As for the side of me that likes to laugh, be silly, and squeal in delight at rainbows, how childish. I must be more mature like everybody else; play less and get serious about life because thats how it is as a grownup.
Those ideas held me back for several years. The “shoulds” I imposed on myself were limitless, and they rarely worked in my favor, so parts of me remained concealed like some disgraceful secret that might never be exposed. It felt like the most significant annoyance to not be able to show all sides of myself.
As time passed, I began to see some things about the method I connected with individuals. I saw that on some celebrations, I would feel entirely relaxed in a persons presence. Talking with them seemed like talking to somebody I had actually known for many years.
There was no stress, no fear about what they might be thinking of me, and no unneeded mind chatter attempting to persuade me that I looked silly or odd.
The 2nd kind of interaction was the kind of encounter where I felt judged with every breath I took.
The ambiance was off, a total mismatch, and the conversation was strained. Was it me, and was I the reason for this disconnect? Perhaps, sometimes, my obvious feelings of awkwardness or self-consciousness left the other individual with a feeling of pain. Perhaps they quit after striking the undetectable wall I d constructed around myself.
And after that, there was and still is the 3rd type of interaction. The kind where Im happy to talk with somebody, but I make a conscious choice to not reveal all of who I am. Its not necessarily because I do not like the person or that I have anything versus them. Since I dont feel a connection with them where I would want to reveal other sides of myself, its typically.
Often, however not constantly, I see myself as a reward. The more we get on, the more of me you win. The deeper connection I feel, the more of the prize you get to see, which might stumble upon as pompous to a certain degree. However this isnt about thinking that Im better than anybody else or getting to select somebodys level of deservability.
Its the level of connection that matters one of the most. In my mind, its not needed to show everything to everyone all the time just for the sake of it, and perhaps thats the introvert in me speaking. However thats what has helped me to feel more fine with being myself.
No pressure, no forcing. Just doing it my way and understanding that I get to pick: In interactions, I either reveal more of myself or I dont. And if my holding back results in my missing out on out on developing a deeper connection with somebody since they removed due to seeing me as “hard work,” then thats both of our loss. A loss, nevertheless, that wont break us, unless we let it.
Constantly. And you do not need to feel bad or guilty about not being your true self around others, specifically when you do not even want to.
Showing up as your full-blown glorious self can feel frightening, and thats okay since youre human. So easy however obvious to forget.
As humans, we ride the waves of life every day. A few of the waves are far too turbulent for us to bear, and were left feeling battered, bruised, and shaken.
We think that what weve experienced is an unshared experience– nobody will ever understand; we believe that what weve done should not be revealed– individuals will believe ill people; we presume that what weve not done is going to be held versus us. That may hold true in some circumstances, however the remainder of the time, were much safer than we understand.
Being yourself is very important, but forcing yourself to make it occur isnt. Youre allowed to practice. Youre allowed to take two advances and 5 steps back. Youre permitted to journey up multiple times. Youre enabled to be human.
So, be client with yourself and focus on welcoming your humanness since that, more than anything, is what all of us share. And when we welcome it, we make it much easier for ourselves to accept what, who, and how we are.
Its the keeping in mind that were human and the compassion that we have for ourselves that guide us closer to being ourselves. Trying to be yourself while ignoring your human propensities and being hard on yourself only results in more attempting.
Its time to stop attempting, particularly if youve been pursuing years. Rather, invest more time discovering simply how human youre being today. Invest time seeing simply how human others are being too. You might not always like what you see, however theres no avoiding the reality that it all returns to us being human. Multifaceted humans.
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It felt like the greatest annoyance to not be able to show all sides of myself.
I saw that on some celebrations, I would feel totally relaxed in a persons presence. Talking to them felt like talking to somebody I had actually known for years.
Its typically due to the fact that I dont feel a connection with them where I would desire to reveal other sides of myself.
The deeper connection I feel, the more of the reward you get to see, which may come across as pompous to a certain degree.